Nothing in life has any meaning except the meaning
we you give it. – Tony Robbins
mercury in retrograde
My communication always takes a hit with Mercury in Retrograde. When I can manage to find my words, I stumble all over them. When I can manage to comprehend another human, I’m get easily offended. Said another way… I do a shit job sharing my actual thoughts in a clear way, thus making my true meaning hella susceptible to misunderstanding AND I do a shit job assuming the meaning of another’s words in the positive light that they were intended.
#truthbomb We can let any circumstance, situation, or moment empower or disempower our lives, and the same can be said for words. You have the choice to use your language for powerful connection and joy. You have the choice to interpret another’s words in any way you choose.
The Universe has been pummeling me with it for the past week. #relentless And it’s been painful. Every damn time it has been painful. But what’s the reason that we change? Pain. Let me give you a few examples of my stupidity and carelessness. 🙂 Maybe you can find just a glimpse of your own thoughts within mine.
Yesterday, we’re at Whacamole for dinner. Over munching on, you guessed it, the Whacamole (a cauldron of the Dominican’s best avos, cilantro, and far too much lime), I said something insensitive. Through the smoke from the sausage smoker, Kaj was speaking to the luxe Airbnb she found for us in Punta Cana. When she was asked was about it’s booking I said something to the effect of… “Come on. Of the two of us, we know which one is the planner.”
Boo. Hiss. Bitch Comment.
In my mind I was just thinking about our personalities. Kaja is a free bird. (So much so that her hashtag is #leavetheflock.) She’s a goddess and a wanderess and a total babe. She’s my California vibin’ soulsister with a heart of gold. So, in my mind, it was meant to be more of a self-deprecating comment as the control-freak planner who gets high on spreadsheets and practically snorts the color-coding glory of highlighters. But totally didn’t communicate that at all.
Kaja, being the exemplar that she is, mentioned it on the way home, knowing that I might have meant something different. [Enter immediate apologies and embarrassment.] We worked it out and continued on in our abundance mindsets.
Text and messages make things especially difficult. I’ll often tell people… Can I have an emoji with that? Even when Mercury is NOT in retrograde I have trouble distinguishing emotion in text communication. (It’s the freaking worst part about online dating btw.) Now remember that my business is an online business : ninety percent of my communication is virtual. I have coping mechanisms now to be sure that MY intention is received appropriately. I use a LOT of exclamation points and emojis and CAPITAL letters. I use voice and video messages when possible. If you’ve ever received a message from me, you may have been overwhelmed by it. 🙂 But you knew my emotion, right?! #missionaccomplished
But other people don’t do that.
I’ve learned just to ask to clarify what the intent was behind the message if I’m not sure. There are some people, though, like Ellen, with whom I forget to not assume intention. I feel like I’m in her brain all the damn time, which is dope AF. We communicate daily, usually via FaceTime. So, like, I know exactly what she means all the time, right?
Wrong. Totally wrong. So every two weeks or so, I relearn this lesson. Why so often? I think it’s because we’re just SO in each other’s lives from a distance. It’s kind of like a long-distance relationship. I did this for 3 years, so I know a little bit about it… You and your SO start bickering, and you’re not sure why. You get annoyed super easily. You feel like you’re not being heard. You start driving and consider turning the car around cause just ugh. But then… as soon as you see each other… everything seems to ease into magic. It’s like you can breathe again, because you can use all of your senses. You know their intention with their body language, their inflection, their eye contact. Suddenly, things just make sense again.
This is why Ellen and I start to go a little crazy if it’s been three months without a real-life, in-person, breath-extinguishing hug. 🙂 We always get through it, because we’re us. I deffo need to work on that whole assuming best intentions. Especially because, like, she’s my girl.
*Sigh* Where do I even start this one? Ok. I’ll keep it short. When you’re getting to know someone, you’re getting to know how they look at the world. Sometimes people are easy to read. Sometimes they’re not. The thing is, they’re getting to know YOU too. They’re getting to know how YOU look at the world. And you’re here, reading MY blog. So, darling, you’re probably not a simple lady. You have stories to tell. You have a passion to pursue. You are lightness with feels. In the end, you’re like me. The girl who just craves being understood and to understand the other.
When you’re getting to know someone (and know know someone), stay light. You’re both new at this. Give yourself grace and stay humble. Give him some grace and keep him humble. If you’re afraid that he’s going to be picking you apart, then be sure that you’re not picking him apart.
progress over perfection
It all comes back to growth — that internal journey. None of these suggestions coming up are FIX it cures. They’re things you have to continue to work on.
- Check yourself before you wreck yourself. Are you projecting your insecurities about yourself or this relationship into the meaning you’re creating for whatever has been said to you? I do it ALL the damn time. So, check yourself. Remain aware.
- Create an empowering meaning for yourself. Depending on the situation, sometimes you’ve looked internally, and realized it wasn’t your own limiting belief giving you weird vibes about an interacation, and you don’t need to ask for clarification. Just create an empowering meaning for yourself and move the fuck on.
- Don’t make it a thing. Depending on the situation, sometimes you’ve looked internally, and realized it wasn’t your own limiting belief giving you weird vibes about an interacation, and you do need to ask for clarification. Don’t make it a big deal. Just ask. One-on-one. Preferably in person.