It’s no secret that I like to do things alone. Not because I’m a loner. Not because I don’t enjoy company. Not because I’m a hopeless single lady. Not because I’m socially awkward. I can carry on quite the conversation : thank you very much! It’s simply because in those moments of conversation I am giving my energy. In order to have that energy to give away, I have to fuel up on my own time. I need quiet moments of solitude to fill my cup.
In other words, I’m an introvert.
let’s talk labels.
You could say that we book-loving, coffee-drinking, people-watching, listeners have a leg up in learning to truly enjoy our own company. But, no matter where you stand on that trovert spectrum, I think it’s a thing we all need to learn. (The exasperated sigh from the extroverts was audible and dramatic just now. They’re already talking to the person next door about it with big expression and charismatic intonation.)
We each have our strengths. What worries me is the girlfriends who share that they won’t go alone to a yoga class or coffee date or rock concert. It’s true that America normalizes the extrovert, and that we introverts are socially conditioned to participate in an extrovert’s world. The opposite is also true in other cultures like Japan. Either way, it doesn’t matter when you consider the fact that the longest, most sacred relationship you’ll ever have is the one with yourself. So it’s time to get to know that body, mind, and soul of yours. Nurture your relationship with yourself. Discover what a juicy peach you are!
the longest relationship you’ll ever have is the one with yourself
The root of the root… The bud of the bud… is that you have to fall in love with yourself first. And falling in love starts with a date. And you, YOU, are a smokin’ hot date to have.
So, lovely, take yourself out.
Here are some ideas for your babealicious self.
- Take yourself to the movies.
- I took myself to see 50 Shades of Grey a few years back. Talk about the last movie in which you’d ever want to be caught alone. I think that’s WHY I did it though. It was a way of proving to myself the freedom that comes with watching what you want, on your own schedule, and with all the M+Ms to yourself.
- Take yourself on a dinner date.
- I’ll warn you that you’re probably going to end up telling the waitress a couple times, “Yep, just one.” You can sit at the bar if you want to ease your way into it and mingle with the locals. But, there’s so much joy in the people-watching factor of sitting at a table and sending good juju to friends on (obvious) first dates or (obvious) we-actually-cleaned-up-tonight dates. If you’d rather read or scroll or play solo solitaire, go right ahead. I just recommend that you take a deep breath, slow down, and enjoy this peaceful time with yourself.
- Take yourself to an event.
- If you had to choose one extra-curricular that sets your soul on fire, what would it be?
- Here are some ideas: paddleboarding, watching musicals, shopping, attending veggie festivals, blogging, perusing museums, dancing at EDM shows, acroyoga-ing, skydiving, carpentering, hiking, calligraphy…
- Find an event about that thing, and go. They’re your people. Your tribe. What better way to dip your toe into the water of solo adventure than with new people that you know are your people? I promise. They’re so much cooler than their Instagram feed — they’re way cooler IRL.
- Take yourself on a solo retreat.
- Pick a place and go. I don’t mean for weeks unless that’s your gig. (Which, if it is, please send me an e-mail.) Go for an overnight. Go for a weekend. The point of a retreat is to do just that — retreat. You don’t have to leave the country, the state, or even the county. Grab a journal, a pen and a book. Leave your personal rulebook, agenda, and notifications at home. And go be you. And if you don’t know what that means, then you’ll find it bit-by-bit along the way. At least that’s what I’m doing.
Self love is so important.
Because if you don’t do you, then you don’t get done. And then the world misses out.
It misses out on… Your joy. Your spark. Your genius. Your talent. Your love.. Don’t do that to us, sweet thang!
Now tell me below… Which one is striking a chord with you? Will I see any other solo acts in 50 Shades Darker next year? Bump into you at Ipanema Grill? Wonder who the other lone female is in the VMFA’s most recent exhibit? Like/Love/Comment on that glorious, freeing solo retreat photo that just sears with liberation?
Simplicity is bold + brave. And so are you, babycakes.
PS. I totally made up trovert spectrum. That’s not a real thing. 🙂